Do as I say, definitely not as I do...

The tables were turned... and I'd lost control of the board marker and I didn't like it.

Envious of watching students pack up their books and notes whilst deliberating where to go for lunch together or in which pub to meet later that day I decided to become a language student for two months.  Oh, and to learn something... of course.

Before reading on, there is a disclaimer, I learned a lot, both linguistically and also in terms of picking up new ideas for things that I could do in class, a beneficial experience in many ways and money well spent.

However, in a sense it was akin to having a good look in the mirror and I saw some ugly things.  Over the course of two months I was taught by three different teachers of varying levels of experience, quality and approach.  It was a subtle reminder of things not to repeat in my classes once back on the TEFL horse.

'Don't patronise your students'

Erm, I'm a 47 year old Lawyer

Now, maybe I'm alone here but on answering a question correctly, a nod, a wink, or just a simple 'yes' will suffice.  High tempo clapping served with a beaming smile is over doing it, receiving a sticker with a smiley face is quite frankly superfluous. I think I may have even witnessed the teacher in question raising an invisible trophy aloft in celebration of 'winning' a warmer, bare in mind that the average of the class was in the early 40s.

It's like cracking a risque joke, evaluate your audience first.  None of us were 8 years old.  Also, a dose of sarcasm in the face of a wrong answer will be humoured by a few but discouraging to many.

'Revise those basics'

yawn... do tell us more...

The devil's in the detail.  Throughout the course I was often left wanting to compare my answers with my partner before announcing them in naked form, safety in numbers and all that... a partner can often reel in a schoolboy error before you cast the line of embarrassment.

Time limits, how I missed them... countless times I was left wondering with what kind of depth I should be approaching the task at hand, 'prepare your argument for why the candle was a more important invention than the cinema' is abstract enough without knowing if I'm about to embark on a castaway filler or simply pad out the rest of the lesson. 

Going around the class one by one gave us plenty of time to work out which question was on its way to slap us in the face, peer election however would have eliminated this.  Random selection keeps people on their toes, focuses attention and stops students switching off after 'their turn'.

Oh, teacher talking time, as interested as I was in hearing about the teacher's ex-boyfriend... actually, I wasn't.  There were plenty more examples of how those 'basics' were neglected but with TTT in mind I'll draw a line under it for now.  

'Don't bring school politics into the classroom'

So... Iain, how did you enjoy the lesson with Paula (name changed to protect the identity of victim), 'very good' was my reply anticipating genuine interest from her fellow educator.  'Yeah, well the idea for the lesson was mine, I told her what to do before the class, you know, she
doesn't have as much experience as me so...

Can't have that credit going elsewhere

What 'Paula' lacked in experience she certainly made up for it in personal skills, charisma, natural talent and modesty.

You'll not be surprised to know that some members of staff are unpopular, some are paid more than others, somebody else once interrupted another during the meeting, so and so only arrived two minutes before their class etc etc... Jesus wept, well I wept anyway, the class seriously doesn't need to know about the inner workings of the academy.

'Conceal linguistic knowledge'

Yeah?  Well I want to slap your silly face...

I uttered a phrase during conversation practice when suddenly the thunder clouds of correction gathered... and before I had the chance to take cover, a the lightening bolt of smugness had struck me down.  'That mistake was veeeeeerrrry English' came the correction in an unctuous manner.
Now, being English, by default any error I commit will always be English, I mean, as much as I tried I just wasn't able to make a 'very Japanese' mistake.

As innocent as the comment may have been intended it left me with an urge to kill myself and everyone around me.  What made it worse was that I'm fairly sure I'd been guilty of doing this in class myself.
As a result, I'm going to follow the example of moustachioed chap Earl from the 'My name is Earl' series, I've made a list of all the students that I might have done this to, I will travel the world apologising and won't rest until every last request of forgiveness has been accepted.

I am of course exaggerating for comedy effect...

You've just made a general error no obvious signs of first language interference whatsoever...

Please feel free to leave any comments, a confession of guilt, a similar experience, don't worry, nobody reads this anyway... not even me... and hopefully not any teachers of Spanish to foreigner learners anyway, it could well be that I've made a very English error...